This just in: an exclusive Christmas interview!

It's almost Christmas and I *know* what you've been wishing and hoping and thinking and praying for! So I thought I'd give it to you a bit early: an exclusive interview, Christmas edition, with everyone's *favorite* RI poster (the person, not the thing on your dorm room wall).

Okay, Sarah. When is the best time to open presents? Christmas morning. Presents, good and bad, are infinitely more enjoyable when you're groggy and wearing pajamas.

Have you been naughty or nice this year? I have been quite nice, by process of elimination, since I don't think "naughty" could really be used to describe me in any sense of the word. Maybe "anal" or "bitchy." But not "naughty."

Real tree or imitation tree? Well... I like the ambience of a real tree, and I grew up with real Christmas trees that we selected and cut from the Christmas tree farm. I'm sure this would have been even better if it snowed in Texas. You know, the real tree comes with the whole *experience*, a package deal. But since I've been married we've used a fake tree, which doesn't fill the house with piney fresh scent when you vacuum, but it's loads easier to set up and care for. It's practically brainless, which is what the holidays are all about.

Favorite Christmas cartoon character? That would have to be Hermey the elf, from Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer: "Some day I'd like to be... a DENTIST!" (laughs)

Did you ever write Santa a letter? Yes, and he wrote me back, only it was really my dad. LIES! ALL LIES!!

Umm... Buy any Christmas presents online? As many as possible! No pushing, no snarling, no bloodshed--online Christmas shopping is brilliant!

Save the ribbon and paper or rip right through it? Sometimes I think about saving especially pretty paper and reusing it, but I realize how neurotic that actually is, and heaven knows I don't want people to think I'm neurotic. So after I've carefully removed the ribbons and paper, I crumple it all up and throw it away. Okay, wait--I throw away the paper and *wear* as many ribbons and bows as I can for as long as I can for the rest of the day.

Sharing Christmas with family this year? NO! I'm keeping it *ALL TO MYSELF*!

Ever ride in a one horse open sleigh? I've ridden in a two-horse open sleigh... in Canada...

Ever roast a chestnut on an open fire? No, but I've always wanted to try it--you know, just to do something *really* crazy and out of control. It'll make people talk.

Favorite Christmas pie? À la mode.

Favorite Christmas movie? Oohh--that's tough. I think it's a toss-up between Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer ("Bumbles bounce!"), The Muppet Christmas Carol ("Help! Help! We're being stolen!"), Mickey's Christmas Carol ("I smell. I mean, I smell--") and White Christmas ("Sisters, sisters...").

Favorite Christmas song? Personally, I'm a big fan of the "Carol of the Bells," which almost always sounds pretty. Although I also enjoy "It's a Marshmallow World" performed by Dean Martin and Frank Sinatra.

People on your Christmas list: more or less than ten? More--lucky 13, in fact, so I'll add myself and make it 14.

Will you have a white Christmas this year? HAAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....

(5 minutes later) (wiping tears from eyes) (clutching at stitches in sides)

Seriously, when we were about to move to Maryland from Texas, I remember thinking "Oooohhh! North = Snow!" Only I did not realize at the time that Maryland is really neither North nor South as far as weather OR culture is concerned. In my thirteen years living here, however, I've realized that it's pretty much the armpit of the East Coast.

Do you believe in Santa Claus? LIES! ALL *LIES*!!!

What color best represents Christmas? Red: the color of love, the color of warmth, the color of blood in Aisle 12 after the Super Mondo Blinkity Blah restocking and subsequent stampede.

Your shopping: All done, half-way done, just started, not yet started? Well, let's see.... I guess I'm probably somewhere around, oh say, 92.308% done.

Who gives the best gifts? Easy, Jen A, hands down. Because she's always thoughtful and clever and we're so on the same brainwavelength. And I think she's the only person who will read this.

Do you own any Christmas music? *Do* I!

Do you send Christmas cards? I think about it every year but never manage to produce them in time (because of *course* I have to make my own). So this year the goal is to send out Happy Post-Holiday Doldrums cards sometime in January. But be on the lookout for *next* year: we've got big plans. BIG. Plans.

Tuesday

*RANDOMOCITY ALERT!*

I received a welcome surprise early last week:

which was, I am delighted to say, from Jen A. To let me know how--and I quote--"superwonderful" I am. So all last week the view from my desk looked like this:

and a strong scent of lilies lingered in the 20-foot radius around my desk (through walls and everything), drawing curious people to my creative lair like an olfactic tractor beam.

Last Thursday was our work Christmas party--ironically on the second day of Hanukkah--and I normally try not to write about work, but since this is about a social work event, I don't really care. Unsolicited Party Planning Advice Part 1: If 200 people are expected to come to said event, provide 201 chairs in a room big enough for people to STILL WALK AROUND. Last year there were enough chairs, but not enough space so everyone stood. This year, there was plenty of space, but not enough chairs. Maybe next year will be juuuuuust right. Unsolicited Party Planning Advice Part Deux: labels for the buffet.

Afterwards, Jen A and I went out shopping for supplies to create a Yeti Ice Lair in the area leading to our offices for the door decorating contest at work. On the way to the store, we saw this on the back of an SUV:

It should be noted that the vehicle had two of those nativity scene stickers (that you can see all but baby Jesus in, in the bottom middle-ish) stuck on its expansive green rear hatch, one next to each tail light. Because one should always be symmetrical with one's nativity scene stickers.

Anyway, the Jesus fish thing: I was taken aback, as I have never seen a Jesus fish sticker quite like this one, which I could not get a clear picture of and have skillfully recreated in Illustrator for you:

It took me a while to realize that it must be a cross stuck through the fish and not, in fact, a sword, but I still do not know why the cross is stuck through the fish's head. And I have not been able to figure out what the acronym A.C.T.S. means either, so I have settled for pretending that it stands for the Latin translation of the Greek translation of the Aramaic translation of the French for "Spear Fishing for Jesus."

Over the weekend, I walked a 5K with Jen A, whom I love ALL THE MORE DEARLY for it, made a batch of peppermint bark and the most delicious no-bake cookie EVER, whose name I cannot remember, but it's from Canada (imagine that!) and starts with an N. I also got most of my Christmas shopping done from my living room, because I would like to keep my memories of Christmas shopping being a pleasant and fun experience rather than anxiety-filled, with me getting pushed and shoved and run over and cussed out by strangers and their wild CHILdren before they hoist themselves back into their Spear Fishing for Jesus SUVs. Presumably this is because I do not practice any Christian religion and therefore do not have Jesus to give me the superhuman egocentric strength that is obviously required when out in public at Christmastime. And yesterday I burned my tongue on chicken soup.

Meanwhile I found this lovely and witty image on my computer, one of many by Susan Mrosek, available on PonderingPool.com. And with that, I wish you a Happy Tuesday. (Whew!)

Cinescope

I am the Loyal Warrior (who are you?)

Loyal Warriors are never as happy as when they are in the company of loved ones. Strong, loving and secure individuals, they care deeply for friends and family and aren't afraid to show it. Their value of teamwork and dedication make them fantastic leaders in casual and serious situations. They're social chameleons and can adapt easily to any place they find themselves. Loyal Warriors love movies about heroes who battle within a unit and ultimately, lead their team through struggle to great success.