This just in: an exclusive Christmas interview!

It's almost Christmas and I *know* what you've been wishing and hoping and thinking and praying for! So I thought I'd give it to you a bit early: an exclusive interview, Christmas edition, with everyone's *favorite* RI poster (the person, not the thing on your dorm room wall).

Okay, Sarah. When is the best time to open presents? Christmas morning. Presents, good and bad, are infinitely more enjoyable when you're groggy and wearing pajamas.

Have you been naughty or nice this year? I have been quite nice, by process of elimination, since I don't think "naughty" could really be used to describe me in any sense of the word. Maybe "anal" or "bitchy." But not "naughty."

Real tree or imitation tree? Well... I like the ambience of a real tree, and I grew up with real Christmas trees that we selected and cut from the Christmas tree farm. I'm sure this would have been even better if it snowed in Texas. You know, the real tree comes with the whole *experience*, a package deal. But since I've been married we've used a fake tree, which doesn't fill the house with piney fresh scent when you vacuum, but it's loads easier to set up and care for. It's practically brainless, which is what the holidays are all about.

Favorite Christmas cartoon character? That would have to be Hermey the elf, from Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer: "Some day I'd like to be... a DENTIST!" (laughs)

Did you ever write Santa a letter? Yes, and he wrote me back, only it was really my dad. LIES! ALL LIES!!

Umm... Buy any Christmas presents online? As many as possible! No pushing, no snarling, no bloodshed--online Christmas shopping is brilliant!

Save the ribbon and paper or rip right through it? Sometimes I think about saving especially pretty paper and reusing it, but I realize how neurotic that actually is, and heaven knows I don't want people to think I'm neurotic. So after I've carefully removed the ribbons and paper, I crumple it all up and throw it away. Okay, wait--I throw away the paper and *wear* as many ribbons and bows as I can for as long as I can for the rest of the day.

Sharing Christmas with family this year? NO! I'm keeping it *ALL TO MYSELF*!

Ever ride in a one horse open sleigh? I've ridden in a two-horse open sleigh... in Canada...

Ever roast a chestnut on an open fire? No, but I've always wanted to try it--you know, just to do something *really* crazy and out of control. It'll make people talk.

Favorite Christmas pie? À la mode.

Favorite Christmas movie? Oohh--that's tough. I think it's a toss-up between Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer ("Bumbles bounce!"), The Muppet Christmas Carol ("Help! Help! We're being stolen!"), Mickey's Christmas Carol ("I smell. I mean, I smell--") and White Christmas ("Sisters, sisters...").

Favorite Christmas song? Personally, I'm a big fan of the "Carol of the Bells," which almost always sounds pretty. Although I also enjoy "It's a Marshmallow World" performed by Dean Martin and Frank Sinatra.

People on your Christmas list: more or less than ten? More--lucky 13, in fact, so I'll add myself and make it 14.

Will you have a white Christmas this year? HAAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....

(5 minutes later) (wiping tears from eyes) (clutching at stitches in sides)

Seriously, when we were about to move to Maryland from Texas, I remember thinking "Oooohhh! North = Snow!" Only I did not realize at the time that Maryland is really neither North nor South as far as weather OR culture is concerned. In my thirteen years living here, however, I've realized that it's pretty much the armpit of the East Coast.

Do you believe in Santa Claus? LIES! ALL *LIES*!!!

What color best represents Christmas? Red: the color of love, the color of warmth, the color of blood in Aisle 12 after the Super Mondo Blinkity Blah restocking and subsequent stampede.

Your shopping: All done, half-way done, just started, not yet started? Well, let's see.... I guess I'm probably somewhere around, oh say, 92.308% done.

Who gives the best gifts? Easy, Jen A, hands down. Because she's always thoughtful and clever and we're so on the same brainwavelength. And I think she's the only person who will read this.

Do you own any Christmas music? *Do* I!

Do you send Christmas cards? I think about it every year but never manage to produce them in time (because of *course* I have to make my own). So this year the goal is to send out Happy Post-Holiday Doldrums cards sometime in January. But be on the lookout for *next* year: we've got big plans. BIG. Plans.