SUPAR

It's official: I am an ordained minister of the Universal Life Church.



I see the face you're making, the face that says, "Why, Sarah? What has compelled you--you who are not outwardly spiritual or at all religious--to become an ordained minister?" I'll tell you why: My roommate, fellow art major, and very close friend from college, Jen B, called me about a month ago to tell me that she had just gotten engaged to her boyfriend (and former biology TA), Dave. So, being her only married friend, and having more experience with wedding planning than anyone else she knew, she asked me what to do first. My advice: ENJOY BEING ENGAGED for a week or two, talk to Dave and get on the same page as far as *how* they wanted to do the deed.

So she did. And then a few days later, I had this e-mail message from her:

“Ok, so I have the most random of questions for you and I am just going to go ahead and ask…

Would you be up for getting ordained online so that you would be able to marry us?

We would like one of our friends to marry us, since, while we are very spiritual, we do not declare a certain church. When we came up with the idea of getting one of our friends ordained, I thought of you. Dave and I both agree that it would make for a
well-worded, light-hearted and non-dry ceremony… It’s just an idea and if you
don’t like it, just say so. We realize it’s a strange request, but interesting all the same. We just think you would be perfect!”

Once I realized she was completely serious, I was *LITERALLY* speechless at first and physically could not tell my husband or even move or make a face. Instead I made him read it for himself as I went to take a double shot of ice cream. He thinks I will giggle the whole way through. Jen A and I agree that I’d be very good once I’m up there and rehearsed. Unless I have to wear one of those robes with the giant puffy sleeves. Could you imagine me up there with giant puffy sleeves? Flapping my arms to make them flutter; pulling out a bouquet of flowers, a dove, a box of doughnuts, a cup of coffee.

Although I must say, despite the fact that I have given up trying to be religious, somehow the prospect of getting ordained makes me feel strangely immoral (yet delightfully free) where refusing to be Catholic, as I was raised, or Jewish or Buddhist or Zoroastrian does not. Perhaps it's simply due to the fact that this is something I never even in my MOST BIZARRE IMAGININGS imagined I would have considered or even thought to do.

So I did a bit of Googling before replying to her, and realized that getting ordained online is sort-of akin to becoming a notary public, although the process is shorter and easier and, well, free. You also get to choose your church title; I was fond of "Free Thinker," "Rationalist" and "The Very Esteemed," although Keith insists he would refuse to refer to me by such a title: "Yeah, Mom, me and The Very Esteemed Sarah are coming over for dinner." "Goddess" is pretty good too, although I could also be a "Martyr"--but that one really should be earned.

But I believe I have found *THE ONE* (ready?):

UNIVERSAL PHILOSOPHER OF ABSOLUTE REALITY

I think it's appropriate for an artist/teacher. And when you write it out like this:

Sarah, Universal Philosopher of Absolute Reality

it makes the acronym SUPAR. Which is SO going on my business cards.