Scientific method II

Observation: Since the first of the month, we’ve experienced something like 347% humidity, temperatures around 100 degrees Fahrenheit, the gloomiest week of the summer weather-wise, and my head has been in a funk such that I’ve thought it was Tuesday at least once every day this week so far, and I believe at this point I need either a fabulous year-long vacation, magical pills, or an infinite supply of dark chocolate (in any form: cake, cookies, hot chocolate, pudding, hand-rolled truffles) and coffee to get over it.

Hypothesis: August is the worst month of the year. It doesn’t even have any holidays.

Other possibilities: There are no holidays in March either, making it a close contender for worst month of the year. In March, it is neither winter nor spring, but a nasty mess of cold and wet. March is also mid-term, when the first round of big papers are due all at the same time and psychological conditions like Mid-Semester Stress Disorder and Spring Fever are nearing their peak.

Argument: However, March produces daffodils, crocus and tulips. August, on the other hand, produces mosquitoes.

Conclusion: August is undoubtedly the worst month of the year. Even the name is unpleasant.

Proposal for Action: I hereby propose that August is removed from the calendar--reassigning August birthdays to a more appropriate month, of course--so that we may skip directly from July to September without all this August nonsense.